The Wild Manager and Tom Walker
by Procrastinator12
Summary: On a shopping expedition for beans and rice, the ever-stingy Tom Walker makes a strange new acquaintance in a Walmart aisle. A modern retelling of Washington Irving's "The Devil and Tom Walker."


A short modern retelling of "The Devil and Tom Walker" by Washington Irving.

Originally written for high school English.

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**The Wild Manager and Tom Walker**

The greedy Tom Walker lived most unpeacefully with his likewise greedy and ill-tempered wife. Both were so possessive of their money and belongings that it was not a rare thing for one of them to hide the china, checkbooks, and credit cards from the other. Although they had stashed away cash to afford more, they dwelled in an old, shoddy trailer, never purchased food or things from any place other than Walmart or McDonalds, and fed their dog so little his ribs could be played upon like a xylophone.

It was well known in this time that one could quickly achieve vast wealth through the game of lottery. The chance, however, was close to nothing for every contestant, and Tom was not willing to spend money to gain nothing. Nevertheless, day by day, Tom and his wife earnestly desired the wealth that few gained.

On a warm day in April, Tom Walker went to Walmart to buy some beans and rice. He tried to shorten his journey by taking a shortcut through the candy aisle, but having become disoriented by all the sugary-goodness, he somehow found himself in an aisle of magazines. Tom sat down on the linoleum floor to regain his coordination and sanity. Arising, he turned around to see a Walmart employee with red eyes and spiked hair.

"What are you doing in my aisle?" he queried.

"Your aisle!" said Tom with a sneer, "no more your aisle than mine; it belongs to Sam Walton."

"Sam Walton by d-d," said the stranger. "as he soon will be. Look over there, and see how Sam Walton is doing these days."

Tom looked to see a business magazine with a black spot of sharpie blotting out what was before a picture of Mr. Walton's face. Viewing the rest of the aisle, Tom recognized the blotted faces of other individuals who had since passed.

The strange man went on to tell Tom who he was, referring to nicknames such as the black courtesy clerk, the wild manager, and the Devil. He boasted about the money in the lottery that was at his command, and would only be allotted to those in his favor. The Devil offered the lottery to Tom, but under certain conditions, such as the selling of his soul, which he decided first to ruminate over.

After returning home with the beans and rice, Tom told his story to his wife. She encouraged him to make the deal and get the money. Tom, determined to spite her, refused to do so. As a result, she set out to Walmart in the morning in her plush snuggie and carrying her purse, credit cards, checkbook, and a baseball signed by Babe Ruth. She was never heard from again.

In a couple of days, Tom returned to Walmart to find out what had become of his spouse. As he walked toward a section with sports apparel, he spotted her snuggie tied up like a sack and hanging from a rack. Wishing to find the valuables she had taken, he opened the sack, but alas, there was but a heart and a liver.

Feeling some perverted joy at the demise of his wife, Tom set off to find the wild manager. The Devil made his terms, and asked that Tom use the money to become a drug dealer or a pimp. To this, Tom resolutely refused: he was bad enough in all conscience, but the Devil himself could not tempt him to turn drug dealer nor pimp. The Devil, then, suggested he become a used car dealer, to which Tom Walker readily agreed.

Tom entered the lottery and won. Soon he owned his own used car dealership and became wealthy and notorious for his scams and deceit. With so much wealth, Tom Walker moved from the trailer to a mansion in Beverly Hills and purchased several luxury cars. Even so, he still remained stingy by never furnished his home or making repairs.

As Tom aged, he grew weary of the deal he had made. Determined to somehow save his soul, he prayed, went to church, confessed his sins, carried a Bible around in an app on his phone, and sent millions upon millions of Christian chain letters. Despite his best efforts, the Devil came when his phone was not with him but plugged in to a charger. The black courtesy clerk, with his red eyes and blue vest, threw Tom Walker into a red Mustang that seemed to fly away all by itself and disappear far away behind the Hollywood sign.

After his departure, Tom's wealth was turned to rubble, his dealership went bankrupt, and his mansion was destroyed in an earthquake. To this day, it is rumored in Hollywood that sometimes, on a dark and eerie night, Tom's red Mustang can be seen sending its gleam from behind the big white "Y." The story became so common, in fact, that it became a proverb throughout the entire West Coast, of "The Wild Manager and Tom Walker."


End file.
